Clark Kent's Journal
by DarthWasabi
Summary: A look inside what Clark really writes about anything and anyone. Rated: For slight swearing and stupid situations
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Clark Kent's Journal

**Author: **DarthWasabi

**Rating:** M (For slight swearing and stupid situations)

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

**Summary:** A look inside what Clark really writes about anything and anyone!

**A/n: I've read a lot of stories like this before, just not with Smallville. So I thought I'd give it a shot. The Journal begins right after he got it in season 5, also there will be some things that I just throw in there randomly, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find those ones.**

Clark is a little (a lot) OOC. Just warning you.

Enjoy!

8

Dear Diary,  
Wow my first entry in my journal, this is some moment huh?…Hmm there seems to be nothing all that important to report at the moment. Be back later.

Clark

Dear diary,  
Ok I admit, I'm only writing in this because I'm a little frightened Lois will look for it, find it and read it. I don't want it to look like, that I don't appreciate her gift…I mean not that it matters or anything…

From Clark

Dear Diary,  
Today Chloe suggested I take up golf, don't exactly know why, but you know. Anyway, tried it and I suck! Maybe I'll take up another sport.

Love Clark

P.S. On the news it said NASA picked up a golf ball in the stratosphere on one of those blip screens. See I knew it never landed in the trees. Chloe owes me 10 bucks!

Dear Diary,  
Found new sport, I call it: See how many times I can get Lois to say 'Crap'.  
Currently – 218 times in 2 days  
Post update later.  
(I guess it helps that I have superpowers!)

Love Clark

Dear diary,  
Old, new sport ruined. Found newer one: How To Dodge Lois' Frying Pan When She Finds Out She Is A Part Of A Uncoded Sport For Clark Kent's Amusement.  
Have to admit though, my reflexes are in beautiful condition at the moment!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Do you think the Phantom Zone is listed in the top 10 list of 'Worst places to live in the 28 known galaxy's list'?  
I think it is! It's like a frigging Star Wars movie out here! I feel like one of those Aliens…(Ignore last sentence reason being I am an alien)  
Also met a chick who says she worked for my papa El. Not only that but she looks strangely like that Kara person who I fell for awhile back. Hmmm, I think Jor-El's got something going on with blondes! 

Anyway! Gotta clean these scratches on my face. I hope Lois doesn't find out I got beat up bad by a girl…Not that I care what she thinks.

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Just realised something, where is Lara?! I mean, I know she's dead but is she never mentioned by anyone? I mean it's Jor-el this, Raya that, Zod over there, Kal-el Here.

What about Lara? Very worried at lack of biological mother issues. It just doesn't fit in with the rest of the family.

Clark

Dear Diary,  
Just beat the crap out of Zod. I'll give you the abridged version of events.

1) Flew with Zod (Not very romantic)  
2) Went into Forrest (Still have pieces of rock in hair)  
3) Went to field (Zod at this point kicking my ass)  
4) "Kneel before ZOD!" (So clichéd)  
5) Zapped him with state of the art El family broche.

Who's kneeling now, BITCH!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Went to hospital to see how Lois was doing. Was happily surprised at the tender moment we shared. It was…Nice. She also said something about an ice palace. Now realise Fortress has sucky security.

Also extremely worried that every time a New Year starts or year-ends, Lois and I have a conversation in a hospital.

Now currently, trying to get over slight touch of hand.

Clark

Dear Diary,  
My mom bought me new shoes today, fancy leather ones. Unfortunately, every time I wear them, they squeak. You should hear it when I'm super speeding around.  
Chloe thinks it's hilarious.  
Mom thinks that the sound will go in time.  
Lois thinks it's the Clark Kent version of the Cow Bell.  
I think I'm throwing them away.

Always around,  
Clark

Dear Diary,  
Was surfing the Internet today, discovered Fan Fiction for the first time. Some of these stories should be published or something, they're that good! But some seem a bit desperate, like when people put the main character with someone they obviously aren't going to end up with.

Going to look for more.  
Clark

Dear Diary,  
Just found a genre I've never heard of before 'Smut'.   
Going to find out what it is.

Clark

Dear Diary,  
Found out what it is.  
......  
Don't want to talk about it.

Clark.

Dear Diary,  
Been feeling responsible for nearly destroying the human race,  
Bringing back fathers' worst enemy,  
Letting out creepy crawlies from the Phantom Zone,  
Accidentally putting dye in Lois' shampoo…No wait, meant to do that!

Anyway, I've thought about it a lot. I'm going to help people rebuild their lives.

Love Clark

Dear Diary,

Lois found out it was me who put dye in her shampoo. (Now think Chloe's a snitch) I now currently have orange skin. An hour after my shower, Lois came over. She still had blue hair, mother though it was hilarious! She took a photo of us together.

Currently dying of horror with Lois.  
Clark

Dear Diary,  
Rebuilt 8 houses today, not bad.  
Recently had a scratchy throat. Mom thinks I may be getting my first cold.  
I think I ate something furry at one point and it's stuck in my throat.

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,

Have cold.

Clark

Dear Diary,  
Had a bit of a moment today. I sneezed. Yes I'm shocked too. I almost killed Lois who was jogging a few miles away! Have a feeling I won't be using this power very often. I feel like the big bad wolf.

Love, Man of sneeze

Dear Diary,  
Just had a read of Lois' article in the Inquisitor. Actually it's not all that bad, but you can tell which bits the editor changed. Oh well, mom says she's going to start a scrapbook with all the articles Lois does. Ha! Now there's the smallest scrapbook in existence…

(Why do I think that comment is going to bite me in the ass later in life?)

From Clark

Dear Diary,  
Home alone tonight, mom's having annual meetings up at D.C. So I'm watching TV and eating left over pizza. Have now discovered that I hate anchovies. I Have no idea how mom and Lois and Chloe eat them.

(Shivers)

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Had a dream last night. I dreamt I was this big marshmallow.  
Note to self: Never eat left over anchovy pizza! I don't care how good It might look, just DON"T!

Love Clark  
P.S. I was blue, is there even a blue coloured marshmallow?


	2. Chapter 2

**Clark Kent's Journal, Section 2:**

Dear Diary,  
A pre-teen girl came up to me today. Asked if I was some guy called 'Tom Welling.'  
Hmmm…..  
Never heard of the dude before. I told her that I hadn't heard of the dude before, as well.  
Long story short, she kicked me in anger saying I was a liar. Then she started crying because she hurt her toe kicking me.

(Sigh)

Just when you think little girls are nice…BAM! They pounce.

Clark

Dear diary,  
Recently was running over to Metropolis to help Chloe pack. She's moving in with Lois. Imagine those two under the same roof. Hoooo Boy!  
Anyway, off topic.  
I helped move Chloe's stuff. About half way between point A and point B, ran into a bit of trouble. See I kinda dropped half her luggage…

Then I missed the fact that I dropped half her luggage.  
Then a rolling pin hit me (it was connected to Chloe's hand).  
Then I got told I owe Lois and Chloe a new rolling pin.  
Now I have to ask mom for some money to buy them a new rolling pin.

Clark

Dear Diary,  
Hung out with Chloe and Lois. This woman popped up on the TV. Suddenly Lois says "Are they sure she's woman? Cos' she looks an awful lot like this one Senator I saw…He was a man."  
The way she said it…Well, now there's Dr. Pepper sprayed down my shirt.

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Heard mom singing in the shower, she isn't all that bad actually. Also reckon it was her own song too. She could be nominated for an Oscar or something.  
Kansas Idol, eat your heart out!

Clark

Dear Diary,  
Am currently regretting not going to Lex's costume ball. Many reasons why cross the mind.  
But damn it! I wanted to wear a costume!  
Half of Smallville did, why didn't I?  
Because I was knocked out by vines.

Vines…Honestly!

I mean I could've looked damn sexy in a cape if I really wanted too. If Lex Luthor can look good in a leather skirt, I can do cape.  
……  
………  
……  
Vines…Honestly!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Was getting a cup of coffee, when I heard Lois screaming in her apartment.  
I sprang into action.  
Discovered she had locked herself in her toilet. Somehow, she broke the lock in the bathroom door.  
I broke down laughing!  
We (I) Called the fire department. Lois had to be rescued out the window.  
All and all, It was a good day.

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,  
Looked in closet, have been noticing lack of plaid shirts…. Am very worried.

Clark

Dear Diary,  
Found plaid shirt on Lois' back. She denied that it was mine. But I know better.  
Tonight going to see if I can find them while she's out.

Clark

Dear Diary,  
Currently very shaken.  
Write later.

Clark

Dear Diary,  
Sorry for last entry. Reason for being shaken:  
Went to Lois' closet, opened closet. Was suddenly on ground from sheer weight and shock of seeing all…ALL…of my plaid shirts.  
Reds  
Blues  
Whites  
It all surrounded my vision. I-I Just couldn't breath, it was every where! Then to top it off, her underwear came tumbling down on to me. I screamed.  
Then she screamed, when she found me with her yellow underwear on my head.

We both screamed.

Clark

Dear Diary,  
Been wondering how Lex shines his head so well. I mean what does he use that makes it shine? Is it wax? Mr. Sheen?

…Cream?

I don't know, I just don't know.

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,  
Just met Oliver Queen for the first time. Bit dodgy if you ask me, I don't like him.  
Considering he goes around saving people in green tights.

GREEN for goodness sakes.  
Oh, I would just…Die!

Sticking with blue,  
Clark

Dear Diary,  
Can't find Shelby.  
Think he's gone missing, just can't seem to find him. Everyone tells me they see him around the farm. But, Where I ask???

Worried for my dog's safety.  
Clark

Dear Diary,  
Crisis averted.  
Lois had Shelby.  
Something about joint custody…I don't know.

Love Clark.  
P.S. How Lois and Chloe had him up in the apartment and I didn't notice, I will never know!

Dear Diary,  
Lois' been acting shifty. Chloe's been acting guilty. Am worried eldest cousin is up to something.  
Must have guard up.

Love Clark

_Dear Clarkie,  
This is your Journal speaking…writing…thing…Stuff…Crap  
Anyway!  
I command you to make noises like a Turkey, while you're running around in your boxes._

_Love Lo_ (Rest is scribled out)_…Journal_

Dear Diary,  
I'll kill HER!  
Which one I don't know. Chloe for telling Lois OR Lois for writing in this!  
Maybe both!

Love Clark

_I can't believe you fell for it!_  
Lois! Why are you still writing in this?!  
_I'm not…._  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm pulling my hair out because of you!  
_Yay! Mission accomplished._  
Grrrrrrr. Stop writing in my JOURNAL!  
_Stop leaving it around!_  
Get your own!  
_…..I think I will._

Dear Diary,  
Apparently Lois got her own Journal.  
MUST. FIND. PRECIOUS.

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,  
Went driving with Lois and Chloe. I fall asleep for 5 minutes and I find out they pulled over and put lipstick all over my face!  
Lipstick!  
Have to get them back…

Clark

Got them back!  
Can't write more, on the run…

Love Clark


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,  
Currently hiding in Dumpster outside the Talon, for fear of what the cousins would do to me. See I kind of…Oh…

Put laxatives in their coffees. Don't know how they found out, they must have…  
Oh GOD!  
…

Dear Diary,  
They found me in the Dumpster. I now have paint all over my clothes, underwear and in places I don't want to talk about.

Currently trying to wash out remaining paint bits from hair,

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Played a little basketball with Chloe's new boyfriend Jimmy. He's an all right kind of guy I guess, I like him he…Hang on.

(Later)

I hate him, the Ball sack! He ate my pie!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Had a weird dream the other night, I took Lois flying over Metropolis' skyline. All the lights were glittering around us and I just held Lois in my arms. We kept going up higher and higher until we reached the moon.  
………………..  
………………………………  
………………..

Then I left her there!!!!!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Lois mentioned something to me today. She said using 'Dear Diary' is a girlie thing to do. I told her to bite me.  
She did.  
Love Clark

P.S. Mom says I have to pay for her dental bills now…Just cause she chipped most of her tooth…

Dear Diary,  
Mom won a radio contest. She won three tickets to Hawaii! Boo YA!  
But I wonder who she's going to take with us?

Love Clark

She didn't take me…She took Lois and Chloe instead.  
Going to brood.

Love the Brooder

Dear Diary,  
Gave Jimmy another shot. Went to the DVD store to rent some movies with him. Can always tell what someone is really like from the movies they pick.  
1 action – V for Vendetta  
2 comedy – Robin Hood: Men in tights and Mystery Men

Result:  
Seems like a comic book geek. But an all right comic book geek.  
Kind of like a kid brother. But he could lose the CK thing though. Get enough nicknames from Lane.

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Something's weird today. I feel moody, I'm snapping at people and I feel like crying.  
…My God, I think I'm pregnant!  
Well, it's either that or…NAH!  
It wouldn't have anything to do with Lois spending the day, The WHOLE day, with Oliver, right?

Right?

Right?

Dear Diary,  
Was driving home tonight and heard this really cool song come on.  
What was it? Oh yeah!  
Save Me by Remy Zero.  
Actually it's very familiar, I know I've heard it somewhere before, just don't know where….  
Maybe it's an opening song for a show or something…Heroes maybe?

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Raya showed up again. Sure, she got the fortress back on track (No longer looks like one of Lex's purple shirts)  
But really…

Just when you think you've gotten rid of someone!

Dear Diary,  
Had annual movie night with Chloe and Lois. Tonight was Chloe choice – Meet Joe Black. BLAH! I fell asleep (Before and after hot and heavy scene.)  
Anyway, woke up when credits were rolling. Next to me, Chloe was trying to comfort Lois, who was crying. I asked what was wrong, thinking the worst. Chloe said Lois always cries her eyes out when she watches this movie.

Yes, you read right, Lois Lane bawls her eyes over Meet Joe Black!  
She can call me Smallville all she wants; I'll give her that. Cos' now whenever I see her, I call her Joe.  
(Very hard to do with a straight face, let me tell you!)

Dear Diary,  
Ok either the sky is falling without me knowing OR Lois has indigestion.  
Because she hasn't called me Smallville for most of the day.  
'Clark, go get this.'  
'Clark, rub my feet'  
'Clark, I don't care if you don't want to do it…You're doing it!'

Am very worried of Lois' sanity…Will report findings later.

Love Clark…Smallville

Dear Diary,  
Reported Findings:

"Hey Lois, why are you calling me Clark?"  
"Because it's you name Dumb, Dumb…Oh god, you have amnesia again don't you! See I knew we were cutting it thin with two years and you not having your memory erased!"  
(Dryly) "Lois I don't have amnesia."  
(Pause)  
"Oh Halleluiah! Praise Jesus! He doesn't have amnesia, it's a miracle from the mighty god above!"

(Insert me sneering)  
(Insert her copying me)

"I meant why aren't you calling me Smallville?"  
"Why? You like the name?"  
"What? (Shrug) I don't know."  
"You have to know. Either you do or you don't"  
"I do, I guess."

(Lois gets a big cheeky grin)

"Yes! I knew you loved it, I won the bet with Chloe!"  
"Woah, what? I never said I loved it."  
"Close enough."  
"And, What do you mean you had a bet with Chloe?"  
"I bet Chloe you couldn't last a day, one day, without being called 'Smallville', Smallville. She betted a week, she lost." (Shrug)  
….  
So yeah, now Lois has $100 more in her pocket. I think I should get at least 15 cut. Still trying to twist her arm.

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,

I FOUND IT!  
I FOUND LOIS' DIARY!!!!!!!

MWWWUUHHHAAAA!!!!

(Sigh)  
It was in the fruit basket covered by bananas.

Left her a little something. You know, just to give her as good as she gave.  
I'll show you:

Hi Joe (I know you hate that name now…Joe) Guess who? (The Joe thing gave it away, huh?)

It is I, Your very own friendly Neighbourhood Smallville!  
Oh and don't worry, I wiped my feet before coming in. Hey Lois question, Why are your pages Lemon scented? Mine aren't!  
Read through a couple of you entries, not enough time for all of them. But I never knew you were disgusted with yourself over being oddly attracted to me.  
Now Lois, there is nothing wrong with that, I'm oddly attracted to me too.

I'll see you later, Lois!  
……..

So as you can see – I'm going to die a slow and painful death.

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Been watching the anime 'Dragon Ball Z'. Up to the bit when Gohan is going to high school, by the way the guys half alien. He goes around saving people as The Great Saiyaman with these awesome powers like flying, super speed, balls of energy coming out of his palm stuff like that.

But at school he is a bit of a dork. I mean like, when he sees the girl he likes he starts to stutter and is just naturally goofy.

Then he meets this tough chick named Videl. He doesn't want to piss her off ever because he's afraid of her (Even though he could snap her in half like a soggy tooth pick!)  
Any way, Gohan is very attract to her, doesn't know why, he just is. The two of them always find a way to be near one another. Strange, but my mom says it's cute.

And then there's Eraser (Yes, that's really her name), She's Videl's blonde friend who has a crash on Gohan….

…..

…… Wait a minute (Re reads)

Oh. My. God.

(Re reads again)

OH. MY. GOD.

I forgot to pick up mom!

Love Clark (Running out door)

Dear Diary,  
Pete's coming for a visit!  
Can't wait. Let the games begin, will explain later.

Love Clark


	4. Chapter 4

Section 4:

Dear Diary,  
Me and Pete got a bet going on. Who can make the other Blush at the Talon before he goes home? Silently confident I'll win. Not because I think I _can_ mind you, but because I can't afford to lose.

See the loser has to kiss a person the winner chooses. I'm choosing Shelby for Pete to kiss. Have no idea who he's choosing…

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,  
Chloe and I introduced Pete to Lois today. Pete, as always, was a total charmer. Told Lois how I broke his nose when we were 8, playing pin the tail on the donkey. I told him he shouldn't have been standing in the vacinity.

But NOOOO!

He had to hold up the damn donkey picture.  
Then if that's not enough, He starting telling the story of when I was 13 and out of the blue started having pink clothes, just to see if Lana noticed. Of course Lois was practically pissing herself. While Chloe was trying really hard not to laugh. Well at least she tried.  
Needless to say I lost the bet. Damn it! Now I have to kiss someone…

Worried for my safety,  
Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
(Sigh) I had to brake into Lex's mansion and kiss the statue in the middle of his fountain.  
I hate Pete.  
The statue hates Pete.  
Lex's security team hates Pete, cause they couldn't catch me.  
Pretty much everyone hates Pete. Except his mom. Yeah.

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,  
Took one of those Internet test thingy-doo-lacky's today with Chloe and Lois. Apparently my strip tease song is 'Sexy Back' by Justin Timberlake, Chloe's was 'I'm a slave for you' by Britney Spears.  
And then I fling shit on the fan, by saying this to Lois:  
"And of course, you know yours 'Don't Cha, Pussy Cat Doll'?  
I got the contents of a whole bottle of water on the front of my jeans. I had to walk around looking like I wet myself.  
(Between you and me, I think she's getting better at getting me back you know. A year ago it would've gone down my shirt)

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,  
Does my dog know something I don't? Because every time Lois comes over he seems to push us towards each other with his nose.  
Then when I tell mom, she just laughs and gets this annoying little smile on her face.

Pray tell…What the heck am I missing???

Love Clark.

Dear diary,  
You know how I wrote about the strip tease song? Well fancy that, I found Lois' infamous sailor outfit in a Kmart Catalogue.   
Kmart!!!!

Question, When did Kmart turn sexy?

Love Clark.  
P.S. Very tempted to buy it for Lois.

Dear Diary,  
I just realised something. I know Lois' brand of shampoo off by heart…Is that normal?  
Maybe it's because I always seem to end up at her apartment. I mean even if no ones at home I use the spare key to let myself in…Is that normal as well?

Actually, her place is kind off turning into my 24/7, what Can I say I get free Juice.

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Chloe got me one of those web cams. She said it was a really, really, really, really, really late birthday present. I'm gonna go hook this baby up!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
I seem to be having a few problems with the web cam. Say, any ideas where the blue thing goes? I'm thinking it goes with the red hoo-daddy, then it all gets plugged in with the yellow duffy-thing.

I don't know.

Love Clark

Ok, you know you need help once you start arguing with the cords.  
…  
And get answers back.  
I'm calling Chloe! Pride be damned!

Dear Diary,  
I need a microphone for my web cam. That's why it wasn't working.  
Who the HELL thought making technology was a smart thing to do?  
Bet he was bald.

Dear Diary,  
Loft smelled like pancakes…  
…..  
……

Yup, that's about it for today.  
Love Clark.

(Don't expect something exciting happening every single day now! What do I look like a superhero?)

Dear Diary,  
Mom's discovered the beauty of 'Desperate Housewives'.  
Oi, somebody save me!  
Though I will say this one good thing about it: Terri Hatcher's got it going ON! Man, I really think I could've married her in another lifetime…

What? I could've!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Am currently getting $5 each time I spell check Lois' articles. Ok, either her word program sucks OR Lois has no idea why those squiggly red lines are underneath all those words. Cos' her spelling…Well it's a road accident waiting to happen!

Love Clark

Hi guys, This is Chloe!  
Ok, I have to write everything for Clark, because he currently can't write anything apart from scribble. So I'm going to write down what he says. Ok, um…Kiss…with the green…and the tights…and the water…and the Kiss…and the kiss…and the kiss…

Um you know what, why don't I just write what I know, Clark's malfunctioning at the moment.

Clark Kent and Lois Lane Kissed.

Right there is a statement of miracles for the masses. Sure technically my cousin didn't exactly know it was Clark. But he knows it was him…And so do I!  
Poor Clark, look at him sitting over there, still slack jawed and yet turned on. Bless him, the poor kid, he doesn't know what to do with himself. He stands and then sits. Moves to the right and then to the left, pauses and then moves on.

But I will say this; it's really funny when I pretend I get a call from Lois, his ears just prick up and he freaks out.  
Its Hilarious!

Can't wait when they do it again…Don't worry I know it'll happen soon enough, I'm not THAT blind!  
Oh got to go, Clark's drooling again.

Love from Chloe.

Dear Diary,  
I was not drooling…She LIES!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Clark Kent's Journal:** The last crusade AKA Episode 3 AKA The apocalypse AKA The final Section.

* * *

Dear Diary,  
Chloe's been telling me how Lois is still having those dreams about the red cape guy. Guess whose going to have some fun! (That's me by the way).

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Okey Dokey here's the plan for tonight:

1) Buy big Red Blanky  
2) Pack big red blanky in bag (make sure bag is big enough)  
3) Run over to Lois' place with bag.  
4) Brake into…I mean…Open Lois' front door  
5) Find good hiding place  
6) Wait until approx. 15 minutes before Lois gets home (Note to self: find out when she gets home)  
7) Fling on big red blanky  
8) Hide in hiding place  
9) When Lois comes home jump out and yell "Na na, na na, na na, NAH! Red Cape Dude!"

(**A/N:** Think old school Batman theme song)

Ha! She's going to FREAK!

Love Red Cape Dude

Dear Diary,  
I am in the deepest DooDoo when Lois can walk. See when I jumped out and scared her…She kind of, screamed and fell down the staircase leading to the Talon…  
And then she kind of…Fractured her leg…

Yeah, thinking I should've waited until she closed the door.

Yeah…

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Ok I'll admit it Oliver Queen isn't so bad. At least he's better than Chloe's jokes. ("Isn't that romantic") Oh she's such a clown! I think the comments are getting old. She doesn't.  
Anyway off topic.  
Seems Oliver wants me to help him and couple of super friends with some business.

PHHFFFTTTT, and miss Oprah?  
Yeah right!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Found it was ok to help them out – discovered the record button on the VCR. Who knew! The red circle means record, wow.Oh, and I suppose I'm helping them cos' they're my friends…except AC. Never did like AC…I wonder if he knows anyone call DC…ACDC (I love that band!)

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Saving the world can be a pain in the ass! It's not all Strawberry kisses or parades in the City Square.  
No!  
You get radio active pieces of you home planet shoved in you face and ashes of blown up buildings in you hair! (Still can't wash that out, by the way)

Gosh,  
Love Clark

I'm Pissed off.  
Majorly pissed off.  
Lois came over; she had red eyes and looked like someone just died. She said she wanted to talk to my mom. I thought nothing of it, thinking it was a woman thing. Then in the barn I super over heard what Oliver did.  
He broke her heart.  
I'm gonna brake his legs!

Ok Plan B.  
Won't brake his legs, may go to jail (We don't want that)  
I'm thinking Plan B will include silly string, chillies, bananas and paper…Lots of paper. (Recycled of course)

Hey, he hurt one of my best friends, now he feels the furry of an angry man…  
An angry superman with lots of paper!

Dear diary

Ok . . . I'm screwed and that's in the literal sense. See my evil twin Kal had a major make out session with Lois . . . in Oliver's apartment.  
I'm thinking I like this better then Plan B.  
Note to self: Just go to Plan C (Always the best one!)

Anyway Lois doesn't remember and I do. My god it was hot, her body was hot, she turned me on like a firework on the 1st of July!

…I'll finish this later, need to go have a cold shower.

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,  
Just wondering, how big was Krypton? No really, was it this giant ball of ice. Cos' there's an awful lot of Kryptonite around. Not only in Smallville, but somehow it's in Metropolis too.

It's got to be following me around or something!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Lana rang me up.  
I listened for about 40 seconds, spotted Shelby and strapped the phone on to his head. I went to get some juice only for a moment (And talk to Lois on MSN)…An hour later: got the phone off him, Lana was still talking.  
She hadn't noticed I'd gone.

I pretended to be driving through a tunnel and hung up.  
Boy, does she have issues or WHAT!

Love Clark.

Dear Diary,  
I've decided to write poetry.  
No, wait! Even better: I'm going to write a song.  
Best. Idea. Ever.

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
Worst. Idea. Ever.

The best I can come up with is 'Gloss/Floss'  
What the hell! What can I make with that?!

"Oh your floss is…so…really…Gloss-ing."  
Yeah, I know I'm bad at this. No need to tell me!

Love Clark

Dear Diary,  
I finished a poem!  
Check this baby out - It's a tear jerker! (I think)

I call it: Champion in the rain

Who do you think you are?  
Standing there in the rain  
You think you're the only one with the tears,  
With the pain

I know you're hurting  
I've felt it too  
The heart brake of losing someone  
Who you thought loved you

There's no need to do this  
All by yourself,  
Here I am reaching out,  
Reaching out to help.

Because can't you see,  
You're not alone in this world  
A simple farm boy I maybe,  
But please hear my words.

I would never hurt you  
Like he did  
Because I'm your friend,  
Your champion

So here we are  
Standing in the rain  
I'm here with you, Lois  
Sharing the burden of your period pain.

(Shrugs) Yeah it's sappy I know. Not quite sure about that last bit though... Ah, she's never going to read that by the way!

Love Clark

_Wow Smallville…Did you really write that?_  
LOIS?????  
_That's really sweet, thanks_  
Oh…um…you liked it?  
_Yeah._  
Oh…thanks  
_And Smallville?_  
Yes?  
_What's a Krypton?_

Oh $H!T

**(End of Journal)**


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